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argh, does it ever stop?  I feel like no matter which way I turn, the battles are heating up.  Every direction is a different challenge and everything is advancing full force.  I can’t handle it.

I am weak, I don’t even want to be strong anymore.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this, but I just think to my self, I don’t even care if I fall into this sin.

Tonight was tough.

It just was.  I long for the day when my faith will be sight, when sin will tempt me no more.  I scraped by tonight, but barely, and only by the strength of Christ.

God is good, all the time.  I need to live my life by that, and pray that I will.

Life

This is a repost and the original can be found at : http://web.ijm.org/site/MessageViewer?em_id=2441.0&dlv_id=6381

UNICEF estimates that there are nearly 2 million children in the commercial sex trade worldwide. It doesn’t have to be this way. Cambodian law enforcement rescued Veata* (pictured at left with her IJM social worker) from a brothel at the age of 13 with the help of International Justice Mission. She’s healthy and happy today, living in a small aftercare home with caring staff who love her. The traffickers who exploited her are serving 16-year sentences for their abuse. You can help stop these crimes — Share your passion with your Member of Congress. This month, hundreds of IJM supporters will meet with their Members of Congress to urge them to support the Child Protection Compact Act of 2009. This bill supports poor countries’ efforts to stand up to criminals that traffic children by investing in effective law enforcement that puts traffickers and slave owners out of business and behind bars. Please help us make the abolition of child trafficking a priority for Congress by urging your Representative to cosponsor the Child Protection Compact Act today.

*A pseudonym has been used to protect this client. Casework documentation and real names are on file with IJM. Image used with permission.

www.ijm.org | PO Box 58147, Washington, DC 20037
All text and images © 2009 International Justice Mission.

Life

I write today not to you, but to me.

Ephesians 6:10-18 says:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

This passage talks about how we should put on the full armor of God in order to take our stand against the devil’s schemes.  Well, yesterday and today I left my shield at home.  I wasn’t able to stand against the devil’s schemes.  I failed quite badly actually.  Just days after my last post about how God has given me strength to stand up and fight, i choose to not stand up and fight.  The strength doesn’t do any good if your not going to use it.

A while back, I was thinking about this passage.  I saw the importance of the sword, how in battle swords are used not only offense, but also defense.  They are used to make advances, but can also be used to block attacks, in close range fights.  At the time I didn’t understand the need for the shield, I thought, why not just defend with the sword.  It occurs to me now, the sword isn’t much good against any army of archers, who attack from far off, firing many arrows at a time.  Another thing just occurs to me now.  All the archers fire at once, they don’t go for accuracy, they just fire a lot and hope one of the many hits the target.  Sounds like the devil to me.  He fires everything he has and hopes one of his tactics work.  We can defend our selves with our shield, just stand behind it, but with out it, well, a sword might stop one, but not much more than that, if that.

I do ask for your prayers though.  Pray that I would continue to be strong and pick up and wear the entire armor of God.

Peace to you,

Adam

Heaven Bound

I figure I should update since it’s been so long.  These last few weeks have been incredibly amazing!  One thing God has really shown me is how strong He really is.  I mean, I’ve always known in my head that He is strong, but now I’m experiencing it.  All those weeks ago I went into the toughest three battles of my life.  My only armor was the armor of God.  I was going to attempt to do the impossible with no tools or weapons of my own, but the strength of Jesus beside me.

Let me tell you, the guy is strong.  What was originally planned as a week long challenge for myself quickly turned into 2 weeks, which turned into 4 weeks, all they way up until now of win after win.  Of the three battles I mentioned above, this is the one that was the hardest for me and the one I focused on the most these last few weeks.

The other two I’m fairing better than I have before, in fact.  I’ve only sinned a few times total since I made war on them.  Thats far fewer than most DAYS previous.

One other thing, Since I have made war against these struggles, the temptations have never been greater.  It feels like every few minutes, satan is throwing something at me trying to get me to fail.  But Jesus was their beside me every step of the way.  I’ve held on on to Him with all of my strength and cried out to Him on so many occasions recently.  He is there every time.

I encourage you to make war with the sins you are struggling with, to cry out to Jesus and ask for help and strength.  I promise you He will, He’s just waiting for an invitation.

Heaven Bound, Life

Donuts for the Class

There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the Western United States. Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his or her freshman year regardless of his or her major. Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously.

This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor’s class.

One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. 
”How many push-ups can you do “
Steve said, “I do about 200 every night.”
”200 That’s pretty good, Steve,” Dr. Christianson said. “Do you think you could do 300 ”

Steve replied, “I don’t know… I’ve never done 300 at a time.”
”Do you think you could ” again asked Dr. Christianson.
”Well, I can try,” said Steve.
”Can you do 300 in sets of 10 I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it I need you to tell me you can do it,” said the professor.

Steve said, “Well… I think I can…yeah, I can do it.”
Dr. Christianson said, “Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind.”

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No these weren’t the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson’ s class.

Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, “Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts ”

Cynthia said, “Yes.”

Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, “Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut ”

“Sure.” Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia’s desk.

Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, “Joe, do you want a donut “
Joe said, “Yes.”
Dr. Christianson asked, “Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut ” Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten pushups for every person before they got their donut. And down the second aisle, till Dr. Christianson came to Scott.

Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When the professor asked, “Scott do you want a donut ” Scott’s reply was, “Well, can I do my own pushups “
Dr. Christianson said, “No, Steve has to do them.”
Then Scott said, “Well, I don’t want one then.”

Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, 
”Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn’t want ” 
With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten pushups.

Scott said, “HEY! I said I didn’t want one!”
Dr. Christianson said, “Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don’t want it.” And he put a donut on Scott’s desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.

Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, “Jenny, do you want a donut “
Sternly, Jenny said, “No.”
Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, “Steve, would you do ten more Push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn’t want ” Steve did ten….Jenny got a donut.

By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say “No” and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks.

Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these pushups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten pushups in a set because he couldn’t bear to watch all of Steve’s work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve closely. Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row.

During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it. Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Dr. Christianson, “Do I have to make my nose touch on each one ”

Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, “Well, they’re your pushups. You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want.” And Dr. Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, “NO! Don’t come in! Stay out!” Jason didn’t know what was going on.

Steve picked up his head and said, “No, let him come.”

Professor Christianson said, “You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him ”

Steve said, “Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut”
Dr. Christianson said, “Okay, Steve, I’ll let you get Jason’s out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut ”

Jason, new to the room hardly knew what was going on. “Yes,” he said, “give me a donut.”

“Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut “
Steve did ten pushups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve’s arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was profusely dropping off of his face and, by this time, there was no sound except his heavy breathing, there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, “Linda, do you want a doughnut ”

Linda said, very sadly, “No, thank you.”

Professor Christianson quietly asked, “Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn’t want ” Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow pushups for Linda.

Then Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. “Susan, do you want a donut ”

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. “Dr. Christianson, why can’t I help him ”

Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, “No, Steve has to do it alone, I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve, here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes. Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut ” As Steve very slowly finished his last pushup, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said. “And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, ‘into thy hands I commend my spirit.’ With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, he yielded up His life. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten.” Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile. “Well done, good and faithful servant,” said the professor, adding “Not all sermons are preached in words.”

Turning to his class the professor said, “My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He spared not only His Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid. Wouldn’t you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it laying on the desk ”

- Author Unknown

Heaven Bound, Relationships

I stumbled upon a lost forgotten notebook of mine the other day.  I’ve read threw it a few times laughing and crying, remembering what it contained.  It’s mostly a collection of stuff I’ve found and collected over the years, as earliest as the summer after my freshman year (I think).  These works are not my own, but by others.  I want to share some of the more memorable items from it, spanning a few posts.  Enjoy

The Atheist Theology Student Who Was Found by God

John Powell a professor at Loyola University in Chicago writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the first day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders.

It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn’t what’s on your head but what’s in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped.

I immediately filed Tommy under “S” for strange … very strange. Tommy turned out to be the “atheist in residence” in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father-God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a slightly cynical tone: “Do you think I’ll ever find God?”

I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. “No!” I said very emphatically.

“Oh,” he responded, “I thought that was the product you were pushing.”

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out: “Tommy! I don’t think you’ll ever find him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!” He shrugged a little and left my class and my life.

I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line: “He will find you!” At least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful.

Then a sad report, I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted, and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe. “Tommy, I’ve thought about you so often. I hear you are sick!” I blurted out.

“Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It’s a matter of weeks.”

“Can you talk about it, Tom?”

“Sure, what would you like to know?”

“What’s it like to be only twenty-four and dying?”

“Well, it could be worse.”

“Like what?”

“Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real ‘biggies’ in life.”

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under “S” where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification God sends back into my life to educate me.)

But what I really came to see you about,” Tom said, ” is something you said to me on the last day of class.” (He remembered!) He continued, “I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, ‘No!’ which surprised me. Then you said, ‘But he will find you.’ I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. (My “clever” line. He thought about that a lot!) But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, then I got serious about locating God. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven.

But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.

Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn’t really care … about God, about an afterlife, or anything like that. “I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: ‘The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.’ “So I began with the hardest one: my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him.”

“Dad”. . .

“Yes, what?” he asked without lowering the newspaper.

“Dad, I would like to talk with you.”

“Well, talk.”

“I mean. .. It’s really important.”

The newspaper came down three slow inches. “What is it?”

“Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that.” Tom smiled at me and said with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him: “The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me.

And we talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me. “It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years. I was only sorry about one thing: that I had waited so long. Here I was just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.

“Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn’t come to me when I pleaded with him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, ‘C’mon, jump through.’ ‘C’mon, I’ll give you three days .. .three weeks.’ Apparently God does things in his own way and at his own hour. “But the important thing is that he was there. He found me.

You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for him.”

“Tommy,” I practically gasped, “I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.’ Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn’t be half as effective as if you were to tell them.”

“Oooh . . . I was ready for you, but I don’t know if I’m ready for your class.”

“Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call.” In a few days Tommy called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date. However, he never made it.

He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed.

He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined.

Before he died, we talked one last time. “I’m not going to make it to your class,” he said.

“I know, Tom.”

“Will you tell them for me? Will you . . . tell the whole world for me?”

“I will, Tom. I’ll tell them. I’ll do my best.”

So, to all of you who have been kind enough to hear this simple statement about love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven: “I told them, Tommy . … …as best I could.”

Life, Relationships

So, a few hours after my last post, I came across the video below.  But before we get there, I want to show you two other things on my mind.  The first come from Ephesians

… be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Actually, video next :

Edit (2009.07.18):  I noticed the video I originally posted here no longer works, so I’ve changed it to this one.  Same song, just different video.

And finally, I leave you with the Warriors Creed.  I’m not sure who wrote this or even where I got it from.

Warriors Creed

I Am a Soldier

Author unknown

I am a soldier in the army of God.
The Lord Jesus Christ is my Commanding Officer.
The Holy Bible is my code of conduct.
Faith, Prayer, and the Word are my weapons of Warfare.
I have been taught by the Holy Spirit, trained by experience, tried by adversity, and tested by fire.

I am a volunteer in this army, and I am enlisted for eternity.

I will either retire in this Army or die in this Army;
but, I will not get out, sell out, be talked out, or pushed out.
I am faithful, reliable, capable, and dependable.
If my God needs me, I am there.

I am a soldier. I am not a baby.
I do not need to be pampered, petted, primed up,
pumped up, picked up, or pepped up.

I am a soldier. No one has to call me, remind me, write me, visit me, entice me, or lure me.

I am a soldier. I am not a wimp.
I am in place, saluting my King, obeying His orders,
praising His name, and building His kingdom!
No one has to send me flowers, gifts, food, cards, candy, or give me handouts.
I do not need to be cuddled, cradled, cared for, or catered to.
I am committed. I cannot have my feelings hurt bad enough to turn me around.

I cannot be discouraged enough to turn me aside.
I cannot lose enough to cause me to quit.
When Jesus called me into this Army, I had nothing.
If I end up with nothing, I will still come out even. I will win.
My God will supply all my needs. I am more than a conqueror.
I will always triumph. I can do all things through Christ.
Devils cannot defeat me. People cannot disillusion me.
Weather cannot weary me. Sickness cannot stop me.
Battles cannot beat me. Money cannot buy me.
Governments cannot silence me, and hell cannot handle me!

I am a soldier.
Even death cannot destroy me.
For when my Commander calls me from this battlefield,
He will promote me to a captain.
I am a soldier, in the Army, I’m marching, claiming victory.
I will not give up. I will not turn around. I am a soldier, marching Heaven bound.

There are four kinds of soldiers:
1. Active Duty: Serving the Lord faithfully, daily, and on duty 24-7-365.
2. Reserve Status: Serving only when called upon, or twice a year: Christmas and Easter.
3. Guard Status: Backing up the Active Duty group.
4. AWOL! Absent With Out the Lord.

Which kind are you? Be an army of one for an audience of One.

Heaven Bound

A  time is drawing near.  A time where there are no more tears, there is no more pain.  A time is coming where we will worship in spirit and in Truth.  It starts now.  Look out Brookings, look out Madison.  Look out South Dakota and Look out USA.  Look out world.  A King is coming.  The King of kings, the Lord of lords.  He came to this earth some 2000 years ago.  His own put him on the cross, his own crucified him.  He died.  Three days later, he rose from the dead.  He didn’t stay in the grave, and He’s not staying in heaven forever!

I stand today, and I offer all that I am to this king, the King of glory.  I stand today, offering all that I am to this lord, my Lord.  Today, I stand before my God.

Everywhere I look around me, I see a war.  A war of good and evil.  There are battles every day.  There are battles every minute.  It’s real, and we are all apart of it, whether or not we want to be.  I’m sick and tried of caving in to the other side.  I’m sick and tired of walking away from my God.  I’m sick and tired of letting satan win these battles.

The devil has already lost the war, so why do we let him win the battles.  No more.  No more.

God the Father offered something to us.  We live in sin, we live for ourselves.  He said their were consequences for doing such things, death.  But then He did the unthinkable.  He offered His son, and poured out His wrath on Him.  His son’s name is Jesus, the Christ.  He said for whoever would believe in His son’s name, He would give the right to become children of God, children born of God.

So what can we do, how can we possibly respond.  The only thing I can think is to offer our hearts so completely go God, to offer our lives as a living sacrifice.

Today I stand to fight.  Today, I vow to shake everything that can be shaken.

I am a soldier.
Even death cannot destroy me.
For when my Commander calls me from this battlefield,
He will promote me to a captain.
I am a soldier, in the Army, I’m marching, claiming victory.
I will not give up. I will not turn around. I am a soldier, marching Heaven bound.
(excerpt from Warriors Creed – I am a Soldier)

People get ready!  Jesus is Coming!  Will you stand with me today?  Will you fight beside me for the King?

Heaven Bound

I come here this evening not really sure what to say.  I just want to say something.  I have no idea what to say, and I’m probably going to try to avoid it when I figure it out.

I wish I knew how to say what I want to say.  I sit here thinking about my friends, my family.  I sit here thinking about…I’m sorry guys, I can’t spit it out, at least not here.  I just want you to know I’m sorry.

Uncategorized

Sorry for taking so long to post this.  I got back to Sioux Falls late Friday night (11:30 pm) and have been recovering from a cold and working since then.  We were given journals while in Honduras, I’ll post of copy of that here.  Each day were given a verse, reflection questions, and space to write.  I’ll duplicate all of that here.  Sometimes I paid attention to the reflection, most of the time I didn’t, but it will be obvious what days those were

Sunday, May 17

Scripture:  Philippians 4:4-7

⁴Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Reflection:  As you embark on a 13-day trip to serve Christ in a new culture, what thoughts are going through your mind?  Are you nervous, excited, scared?  What aspects of the trip are you most looking forward to?  What are you most worried about?

I’m not one for journaling, but here it goes.  I’ll start by admitting that I am writing todays entry on Monday.  :)  I’m not really sure what to expect these next two weeks, but I’m trusting God to do what He will do.  I know God has me here for a purpose.  I have no idea what that purpose is.  I assume (or was assuming) that it was to grow my faith and teach me new things.  I’m not so sure that’s the case, especially after getting back from Pursuit last Friday

Monday, May 18

Scripture:  Joshua 1:1-9

¹ After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ aide: ² “Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. ³ I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. ⁴ Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea ^[a] on the west. ⁵ No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. ⁶ “Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. ⁷ Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. ⁸ Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Reflection:  What were you thinking as you stepped off the plane in Honduras today?  Were you feeling strong and courageous?  Why or why not?  Do you believe that the Lord is with you?

It’s been quite the day.  We woke up at 3:00 am this morning to head to the airport.  Our plane departed at 6:00 am to Houston, then to Tegucigalpa.  We touched down there at about 11:30 am local (I think).  We then headed to buy souvenirs (way over priced), then to eat at a chicken restaurant.  I don’t remember it’s name, but it translates “wild chicken.”  It was really good.  I’m not sure what time we reached the orphanage, perhaps 1:30 pm.  After settling in a bit, we started playing with the kids.  They were a blast!  We played football (soccer) mostly, and some basket ball, taught them to arm wrestle, alto cinco (high five), and who knows what else.  I still have no idea what to expect.  I’m not sure is means anything or not, but I’m expecting God to do something.  It’s 7:00 pm now, it’s bedtime.

Tuesday, May 19

Scripture:  Matthew 18:1-6, 19:13-14

¹At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” ²He called a little child and had him stand among them. ³And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. ⁵“And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. ⁶But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

¹³Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. ¹⁴Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Reflection:  What has it been like to be with the kids?  What have you learned from them?

Lets see if I can remember everything.  Jesus came to serve, I wonder if I’ll ever truly understand that.  I mean, the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the only one who has the right to control us choses not to.  No, instead He serves us.  Yeah…WOW.  We sang the I’m Coming Back to the Heart of Worship song during group time.  I’ve under appreciated that song a lot of recent.

The kids are amazing!  I’m fond of all of them, but I seem to get along with Oscar really well.  He just came up to me and held my hand.  That’s all he wanted, when we were singing with the kids, specifically How Great is Our God, a lot of emotions started running through my head.  These kids have it really good considering the circumstances.  The team of ladies in charge have amazing hearts too.  God really is great!  And  I pray that He will continue to work here and wherever there is injustice in the world.

We also started to dig up the road, where eventually they will pave it.  It’s slow work, especially for us Americans, but it was a lot of fun and good bonding.  The guys on our team are really good to me

Wednesday, May 20

Scripture:  Genesis 12:1-5

¹ The LORD had said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you. ² “I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. ³ I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.” ⁴ So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran. ⁵ He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Haran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there.

Reflection:  God called Abraham to leave his country and his people and go to a new land.  You’ve begun to experience a new culture, a new language and meet new people as well.  What has your experience bee like so far?

I suck at loving.  I don’t understand how my love humbles Annie.  I suck at it.  My God, you are might to save.  These kids love better than I do.  They have nothing compared to me.  How lucky!  They don’t take for granted the people around them.  They love us with all of their being.  We don’t speak the same language yet love emanates from them.

It’s raining right now.  It’s very gentle, very healing.

A couple hours later:  so the Lord is really cool.  He wasn’t joking about the rain.  Before we get there though, to start group time, we’ve been doing this encouraging thing.  Tonight we encouraged both Jordan’s, Caitlin, and myself.  These people hardly know me, but thank God for what they said.  Amanda even related me to David.  So on to the cool part.  We started singing and praying and stuff.  Then, Rick says it.  If you need prayer, speak up.  So we did, and we prayed for each other.  Healing was found tonight.  Sweet.

Amen.

Thursday, May 21

Scripture:  Psalm 24:1

¹ The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;

Reflection:  What aspect of God’s creation has amazed you the most on this trip so far?  Reflect on the fact that all you’ve seen is His.

Who is he, this king of glory?  The Lord Almighty – He is the King of Glory.

This trip is going so fast.  I can’t believe Thursday is almost over already.  We just got here.  Tomorrow is the last day we can spend with the kids.  It will be sad, but I think we are walking them to school in the morning.  It still amazes me and humbles me how how great there love is for us.  They don’t know us, and we can barely understand each other.

Not really sure what else to say.

Friday, May 22

Scripture:  Matthew 25:34-43

³⁴“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

³⁷“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

⁴⁰“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

⁴¹“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴²For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

Reflection:  Where did you see Jesus today?

Open the flood gates of heaven, let it rain

Open the flood gates of heaven, let it rain, let it rain

Open the flood gates of heaven, let it rain, let it rain

Open the flood gates of heaven, let it rain, let it rain

Open the flood gates of heaven, let it rain, let it rain

Open the flood gates of heaven, let it rain, let it rain

let it rain

God is amazing.  I’m broken, all of us are.  It still amazes me how the 18 of us can be vulnerable in front of each other.

The kids are amazing.  It still amazes me how much they teach us and love us.  May God bless them always.

We got a break from manual labor today, as we finished the road work yesterday.  In the morning, a couple of us went to a small village.  The rest of us watched High School the Musical 2 in spanish.  It was fun.  After lunch, I went with the second group to the village and bought some stuff including a sling shot.  After that, we got back and caught the end of Enchanted, then Bridge to Terabithia.  THen supper, then time with the kids (we acted out the story of Noah), then group time.  I love group time.  We finished our encouraging thing today.  We’re off to El Pariso tomorrow.

Saturday, May 23

Scripture:  Psalm 68:4

⁴ Sing to God, sing praise to his name,
extol him who rides on the clouds ^[a]—
his name is the LORD—
and rejoice before him.

Reflection:  As you prepare to worship God in church tonight, write a prayer of praise to Him.

Church was cool tonight.  We are in El Paraiso now.  Jordan, Rachel, and Tyler are my room mates.  My mind was going wild at church.  I couldn’t understand anything they said, but you could feel and see the spirit moving there.  I was was again questioning my freedom in things, and was very distracted by these things.  You would think after last week, things would be fine, but nope, just different.  The power went out during the service.  It was raining.  It has rained every night for the last couple of days.  Healing rain, I think so.

Sunday, May 24

Scripture:  Psalm 150

¹ Praise the LORD.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.

² Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.

³ Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,

⁴ praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,

⁵ praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.

⁶ Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD.

Reflection:  What were the worships like yesterday and tonight?  How was it different from what you are used to?  How has your experience in El Paraiso been different from your time at the orphanage?

I showered today.  First time in El Paraiso.  It was actually pretty cool.  We used buckets and dumped the water on ourselves.  Water was cold, but that was to be expected.  I’ve had a pretty bad cold/cough since last night.  I slept most of today.  There was a football (soccer) tournament today.  Americans did alright, but we didn’t win.  We helped lead the youth service this evening.  The church services here are amazing.

Ben and Tyler were sick today, they had the same symptoms of each other.

Good night.

Monday, May 25

Scripture:  Luke 9:23-25

²³Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.²⁴For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. ²⁵What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?

Reflection:  What has been the most challenging or most difficult aspect of this experience so far?

Today, we visited a kindergarten in the morning and a school in the afternoon.  We sang songs, (acted out David and Goliath in the morning), played games with them.  Our time was short, maybe half an hour or 45 minutes at each.

We had group time this afternoon too.  First time since the orphanage.  It was very emotional for me.  First, I really suck at treating God like He is enough for me.  Actually I hardly every do it.  Usually to sin, walk a close line to it, or think about it to much.  Then comes the part that really gets to me.  The bible says every one of these things is punishable by death.  I’m a complete mess.  I’ve broken every one of the 10 commandments, probably all with the last couple of days.  I almost never get the 2 (love your God, love your neighbor) commandments right.  In the midst of all that, God still loves me the same, still chooses to offer His son as a sacrifice for me.  It’s crazy  and I don’t deserve any of it.

Tuesday, May 26

Scripture:  Isaiah 55:8-11

Reflection:  What has surprised you the most about God on this trip?  What have you learned about Him?

I write by candle light tonight.  The power is out, storming too.  Rain, lightning, thunder, cool.  This morning we were suppose to go to a school or something, but because of the sickness going around, we ended up waiting for a doctor to come see us.  THey got us some stomach pills, and feel really bad, but we are in good spirits.  We are glad they didn’t assume swine flu and deport us.  Morgan:  ”We would be on TV!”

We hung out with compassion International kids in the afternoon.  Songs, Bible story, games and toys.

The verse for today really struck me.  I still don’t get this freedom thing, but I will live for God’s will, for His thoughts are better and higher than mine.

Wednesday, May 27

Scripture:  John 13:34-35

³⁴“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Reflection:  What is your host family like?  How are you dealing with the differences in language and culture?  Despite the differences, are they seeing the love of Christ in you?

I’m staying with pastor Andres, so things arn’t bad.  I’m starting to get some spanish down, and communication is easier then expected (thanks to hand actions).

I was sick today, it was the sickest I’ve been on the trip.  I tagged along to the school this morning, but slept all afternoon.

Thursday, May 28

Scripture:  Matthew 20:26-28

²⁶Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ²⁷and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— ²⁸just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Reflection:  What have you learned about serving on this trip?  How has He used you?

…

Friday, May 29

Going home!  Reflect on the trip.  Best experience?  Most challenging experience?  Best memory?  New relationships?

We made it home.  We left El Paraiso this morning at about 8:00 am.  We left on time, which was cool.  Plane ride was fun, we watched Yes Man during the flight.  When we got to Houston, I called my mom and told her I’d made it to Honduras safe and sound, then told her I made it back alright.

Overall the trip was amazing and I learned a lot.  I want to go back soon, and I hope I get an opportunity to.

Thats all folks…

Well, maybe not.  You might have noticed that I left Thursday, May 28 blank.  I didn’t journal that day.  It was the biggest day for me.  I’ll tell you up front there there are not words to fully describe what happened that day.  I’ll attempt now to talk about it, but if you want to know more, call me up.  I’d love to talk more about it.

There was an earthquake at about 2:30 am that morning.  A couple of houses feel down in the city we were staying in.  Pastor Andres went to see if there was anything we could do in the morning, but we ended up just sitting around.

That night, before supper, we had some group time.  We were talking about how we felt like the second week had been less productive.  We hadn’t made as many lasting relationships like the fist week.  Many of the kids we saw, we only saw for less than an hour.  It was beating us up a little bit.  Then, Andres came and interupted us.  Note that he doesn’t speak english and there is no way for him to know what we were talking about.  Any ways, he sits down and starts talking about how he would understand if we felt like we hadn’t made a big impact.  Talk about timing.  But he goes on to say how there has been an Italian priest in town, who had brought a lot of money.  He was preaching against Christianity, saying christians arn’t good people and really persecuting the church.  Many of the non-believers in the city were starting to follow him.  The pastor told us how our presence in the city had changed many, especially those we came in contact with (teachers, members of the church, etc) beliefs about christians, how we arn’t bad people, that we do do good.  Many had been calling Andres and the mayors wife

We thanked God and praised Him for using us, 18 kids (well, 17 and Rick).  All we did was share a little love.  And some praise and worship, we ate with all of the host families.  They encouraged us, laughed with us (even made some jokes about our eating habits (and how we were the first to put peanut butter on Andres’ mothers famous tourtias, a new greengo-Honduran dish ).  After that, we translated the lyrics of God of this City for them and sang it for them too.  Then, the Hondurans got in a circle around us and prayed for.  We then got around them and prayed for them.  It was one of the most amazing nights of my life.  I just kind of turned and looked up at God and told him “You never cease to amaze me.”  At this point, things started dying down, and I assumed my purpose in Honduras was coming to an end.  It was late, and the bus was leaving at 8:00 am the next morning.

I was wrong.

A little bit later, everyone had gone home.  It was Andres, Oscar, Rachel, Tyler, Jordan, and my self.  We were sitting out in the courtyard talking, and I’m not entirely sure how we got on the subject, but Rachel ask Andres to share some miracles he has seen.  Well, he did.

The stories he told changed my life, right then and there.  I was sobbing most of the time, and couldn’t stop thinking about how little faith I have.  I also think this is where I’m going to stop my story telling today.  I want to you the stories I heard, but text without emotion on a webpage wouldn’t do them justice.

Our great God

I realize I’m not a very good journaler, but I hoped my story touched your heart about how great our God is.  It’s my prayer, for both you and me, that God will grants us wisdom, faith, and strength to live for Him, to live like he truly is enough.

Thanks for reading, I’ll be posting a few more fun things in the coming days (hopefully).

Grace and Peace to you,

Amen

Honduras 2009