The Atheist Theology Student Who Was Found by God

Posted by adamlepp in Life, Relationships

I stumbled upon a lost forgotten notebook of mine the other day.  I’ve read threw it a few times laughing and crying, remembering what it contained.  It’s mostly a collection of stuff I’ve found and collected over the years, as earliest as the summer after my freshman year (I think).  These works are not my own, but by others.  I want to share some of the more memorable items from it, spanning a few posts.  Enjoy

The Atheist Theology Student Who Was Found by God

John Powell a professor at Loyola University in Chicago writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the first day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders.

It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn’t what’s on your head but what’s in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped.

I immediately filed Tommy under “S” for strange … very strange. Tommy turned out to be the “atheist in residence” in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father-God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a slightly cynical tone: “Do you think I’ll ever find God?”

I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. “No!” I said very emphatically.

“Oh,” he responded, “I thought that was the product you were pushing.”

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out: “Tommy! I don’t think you’ll ever find him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!” He shrugged a little and left my class and my life.

I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line: “He will find you!” At least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful.

Then a sad report, I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted, and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe. “Tommy, I’ve thought about you so often. I hear you are sick!” I blurted out.

“Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It’s a matter of weeks.”

“Can you talk about it, Tom?”

“Sure, what would you like to know?”

“What’s it like to be only twenty-four and dying?”

“Well, it could be worse.”

“Like what?”

“Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real ‘biggies’ in life.”

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under “S” where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification God sends back into my life to educate me.)

But what I really came to see you about,” Tom said, ” is something you said to me on the last day of class.” (He remembered!) He continued, “I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, ‘No!’ which surprised me. Then you said, ‘But he will find you.’ I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. (My “clever” line. He thought about that a lot!) But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, then I got serious about locating God. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven.

But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.

Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn’t really care … about God, about an afterlife, or anything like that. “I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: ‘The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.’ “So I began with the hardest one: my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him.”

“Dad”. . .

“Yes, what?” he asked without lowering the newspaper.

“Dad, I would like to talk with you.”

“Well, talk.”

“I mean. .. It’s really important.”

The newspaper came down three slow inches. “What is it?”

“Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that.” Tom smiled at me and said with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him: “The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me.

And we talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me. “It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years. I was only sorry about one thing: that I had waited so long. Here I was just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.

“Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn’t come to me when I pleaded with him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, ‘C’mon, jump through.’ ‘C’mon, I’ll give you three days .. .three weeks.’ Apparently God does things in his own way and at his own hour. “But the important thing is that he was there. He found me.

You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for him.”

“Tommy,” I practically gasped, “I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.’ Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn’t be half as effective as if you were to tell them.”

“Oooh . . . I was ready for you, but I don’t know if I’m ready for your class.”

“Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call.” In a few days Tommy called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date. However, he never made it.

He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed.

He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined.

Before he died, we talked one last time. “I’m not going to make it to your class,” he said.

“I know, Tom.”

“Will you tell them for me? Will you . . . tell the whole world for me?”

“I will, Tom. I’ll tell them. I’ll do my best.”

So, to all of you who have been kind enough to hear this simple statement about love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven: “I told them, Tommy . … …as best I could.”

Anthony

Posted by adamlepp in Relationships

Just a few minutes ago, I was out and about in Sioux Falls.  I was actually looking for some souvenir from SD to take to Honduras and give as gifts to the family that will be providing bedding for about a week.  I first stopped at Wal Greens to see if they had some stuff (they didn’t) as well as print of some photos of my family.  Well, the photos were going to take a while so I figured I would run to Cross Roads (a Christian bookstore) for a pocket bible to take along.  The were closed (its Sunday).  Well, lets go to Wal Mart.  Maybe they have some stuff.  As I’m driving in, I see a man holding a sign

I’m Homeless
I’m Hungry
God Bless

Well, I figure it’s about time I stop running away from these things and actually do something to serve this man.  I go into Wal mart, find my 3 dollar souvenir and head to the grocery isle.  I don’t know a lot about food, so I call Ashley up (she did use to be a nutrition major) and asked her for ideas.  I ended up buy some food for the guy and headed out to give it to him.  I took a bible along and a gallon of water.  I gave him everything, but he didn’t want the bible.

He told me his name was Anthony.  I was able to talk to him, turns out he is no longer with his wife, and heading from North Dakota to Las Angles.  He has a lot of hurt in his past, believes that God exists, doesn’t like religion, and doesn’t think God cares much about him.

Please be praying for this man.

Thanks,
Adam

All for Jesus

Posted by adamlepp in Relationships

This was originally posted on http://sdsuintervarsity.com on January 31st, 2009

I’ve been wrestling with God a lot today.  I’ve had a feeling that God was planning something big for this weekend for some time now.  The problem became apparent to me this evening that while I knew something big was going down, I was trying to make it go down according to my will and my timing (I seem to do that a lot).  Anyways, I figured I would start my day out in the prayer room, so I got up earlier than my roommates and headed down to the prayer room before they were out of bed, before breakfast.

All was well, although I admit I was a bit tired (I saw 1 or 1:30 last night, way past my bed time).  I did some morning devotion, but really couldn’t focus on anything.  So breakfast came and went (I had a Yogurt for the first time), then we headed to our electives.  I attended “Fire and Consuming Passion for the Campus” and God really was at work.  I could just sense and see the Spirit working in the hearts of all of us there.  The coolest thing was seeing those there come together at the end and we all just started praying.  It was deep and intense prayer.

After his amazing time, I headed to lunch.  I’m thankful I ran into Danny as he told me I needed to be wearing shows (which I wasn’t) in order to go into the food court area.  I went to my room and grabbed my sandals and grabbed some awesome food (thanks Cragun’s) and then headed out to the lake for some ice skating.

This is about the time I started to let that which was goign through my head get to me.  I really, really wanted to make my will God’s.  Well, I got down to the rental area, and they didn’t have any skates my size.  Bummer.  Oh well, I figure I would watch the others and take pictures and what not.  Well, they all got their skates, but my heart just wasn’t in anything.  I just wanted to cry out to Jesus.  I eventually made it to the prayer room where I found Annie and Erica rocking out with Jesus (Rieger later came in).  I sat down, but really couldn’t figure out what my problem was.  I was having difficult figure out what I was feeling, why this weekend wasn’t turning out what I thought it was going to be, why things were working out as I wanted them (I didn’t realize that this was my thoughts though, I didn’t understand).  Eventually I started talking with Annie.  When I was ready to go, and started to, she asked me to stay and work my anger out (again I didn’t realize it was anger) with God with the supplies there.  I said it wasn’t my style (it’s not), but then Rieger came in.  We talked some more and stuff, and with out much reason (other than fun), Annie asked if she could wipe her hands (which were full of chalk) on my face.  She did and Ashely joined in the fun too.

I still don’t understand it, but I found comfort and healing through it.  I don’t exactly remember what happened next, but eventually found myself watching and learning how to play a new card game.  After that we played some Cribbage.  Then supper time and I heard some awesome testimonies of how a couple of people came to know Jesus.  It was amazing to see God working in and through those conversations.  Thanks God!  But my heart started to fall back to where it was.  We went to the worship gather and chapter time, but my heart really wasn’t in it.  At the end of chapter time though, we got in groups of three.  The other two in my group prayed over me.

I tell you what, God can work fast.  Like really fast.  I went and played two hands of cribbage which was just amazing fellowship.  Then the extended worship service started.  I have very few words to describe what was going on there but I think WOW is a good one.  Everyone was going crazy and cheering and praising the Lord God Almighty.  Jumping, dancing, giving everything.  And God found me there, I was just able to surrender all my desires to him right there.  I got on my knees and just prayed for healing and confessing my sorrow for trying to take control of His will.  It was truly amazing just to fill His presence working in me and in that room.

Praise you Lord Jesus, for you are a huge God, and You have it all under control.  I am nothing, yet you love me with an intense and fiery passion.  Thank you for your gift of life, and thank you for working in my heart today.  All that I am, I surrender to you, Amen.

I leave you now with the lyrics to a song we sang tonight.  I hope the lyrics touch you like they did me.

Jesus all for Jesus
All I am and have and ever hope to be
Jesus all for Jesus
All I am and have and ever hope to be

For it’s only in Your will that I am free
For it’s only in Your will that I am free

All of my ambitions hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands
All of my ambitions hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands

For it’s only in Your will that I am free
For it’s only in Your will that I am free

God bless,
Adam

Thank you

Posted by adamlepp in Relationships

I just want say thank you, do all of those who have crossed paths with me somewhere along the line.  Every one of you have influenced my life, either for good or for bad.  It has has been those interactions that have helped shaped me and remind me who I was created to be.  I am so thankful that most of my experiences in life have been good, that there so many people out there that genuiely care about me and others.

I also want to say a special thanks to those to gentelman who helped me get out of the ditch today.  I seriously could not stop praising God for putting you in my life and going out of your way to help me.  Thank you.  It reminded me that there are people out there that care.  That will love a stranger, not wanting anything in return.  I often think that the world is hopeless and humanity has no chance, but there is hope.  May God bless you guys.

It wasn’t to buy my love

Posted by adamlepp in Relationships

So, my room mates were just listening to that Bare Naked Ladies.  You know that one about a million dollars.  Find the lyrics here.  Any ways, conversation led started to revolve around the topic of buying one’s love.  Some said it was possible to buy someone’s love.  Some said it’s possible, but you need a lot of money.  The rest simply said it not possible.

I of course made my argument that it’s not possible to buy someone’s love.  And then it hit me.  When Jesus came, he didn’t come to buy our love.  Not in any way, shape, or form.  It’s so simple, but it just blows my mind away.

It was the other way around.  God the Father loves us so much, for that reason, He sent His son for us, so we would have a chance at having life. He paid dearly for me.  How can I help but love Him back.

A reflection?

Posted by adamlepp in Relationships

Well, it’s two days since Christmas.  I’m not entirely sure what to write.  I guess I have just had the urge to write something since last night.

Christmas was cool.  I had a chance to hang out with the family, which I hardly ever get to anymore.  Even seeing my parents is rare, even though they are no more than a 50 minute drive away.  It’s so easy to get caught will everything that is going on, that we miss what is important in life.  I once heard this saying.

It’s all about relationships!

So true.  Family, friends, even strangers on the street.  It’s important to constantly take to time to invest in your relationship with all of them.  We should love everybody, always.

And I suck at it.  I suck at loving even the closest people to me.  I want to, I try to.  I just seem to mess it up everytime and put my desires and my wants before others.  The coolest thing is, and I really don’t understand this, nor will I ever, is that there is one person who does love me perfectly.  He loves me even when I don’t love him.

And I guess that comes back to the whole Christmas thing.  We wouldn’t even have anything to celebrate if this guy didn’t love all of us so much.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” – John 3:16-17

God loves us so much, that 2,000 some years ago, He gave us His son.  He sacrificed His son, so that we might be able to have a relationship with him.  In view of all that He has done, lets do what we can, to the very best of our ability, offer ourselves to Him, to be a part of that relationship with Him, and those around us.  Let us not stop celebrating Christ’s birth because the holiday is over, but live it every day of our lives.  Let us seek and invest in those relationships every moment of everyday, let us love everyone we see or talk to, to the best of our ability.  And have mercy when someone screws that up, because I know I will.